Love bombing is a pattern of intense and excessive interest and attention from one partner in order to manipulate the other. Love bombing involves control tactics. Control can look like your partner telling you what to wear, who to be friends with, liking all your pictures posted online, monitoring your social media, or having an opinion on who you follow. A partner may ask you to change your schedule in order to spend more time together. While these things may sound romantic, there is often a feeling of being trapped by the relationship.
Maritza Olmos, a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at CCS, explains what being in a relationship with a love bomber could look like.
They may present themselves as the only one who can make you feel better and build co-dependency. The effects on the other person can include being fearful, timid, being kept from friends at school or on social media." said Olmos.
Love bombing can also be a part of characteristic of grooming behavior - when someone builds a relationship with a child so they can manipulate or abuse them after establishing trust.
Working with youth, I see a lot of manipulation and control from their partners disguised as love,” said Olmos.
“A young person I worked with told me about being isolated from friends and family and trusting the authority figure who was showing her so much positive attention. He gave her gifts, special treatment in a group, and said that she was mature beyond her years. He had built up the idea that he was in love with her before he ever asked for sexual encounters. She did not know these were signs of an unhealthy relationship pattern and told no one what was happening until after the sexual abuse had begun.”
Some types of abuse, such as physical harm, are more easily recognizable by friends and family. Love bombing is more challenging to recognize, as it is manipulation disguised at affection.
Once you feel that sense of excitement in a new relationship, it is easy to ignore the red flags. You may mix the feelings of healthy anxiety with an instinct of feeling uncomfortable with your partner’s behavior,” said Olmos.
“Always trust your gut, if at any point there’s a sense of a negative behavior from your partner, trust it, and talk to someone you can confide in.”
Center for Community Solutions operates the only 24-hour toll free County-wide crisis line for crisis intervention and information referrals related to relationship violence, sexual assault, and stalking in San Diego. Our hotline counselors provide trauma-informed safety planning and emotional support, expert navigation of county resources, and connection to supportive services. All hotline services are free and confidential.
If you need support now, please call us: 888-385-4657.